‘…but there are some who try to
be friends with you. Like me. But then [my] and your stupid feelings
started to take over. Then what do we get? A screwed up friendship.
Hell..’

Wow. I never thought that his words back then would actually still be useful today.

How does one let go of a friend that s/he never really had?

There’s one quote that I remember, saying “…a lover’s for a lifetime, but a friend is forever.” We never really liked each other more than friends, and even though it’s weird… I mean, letting go of a friend that I never really had.

Was it all a lie? Everything he said? It makes me wonder if he had some hidden agenda. Revenge, maybe, for what has happened in the past? I don’t think he’d stoop that low. The thing is, I couldn’t find it in myself to blame him for the fall out. If there is one thing that made two persons friends, it would be TRUST. I still trust him, yet he couldn’t find it in himself to trust me even if he already said that he did.

What did I do, in the first place?

Am I wrong to question these things? Can a friendship between a girl and a boy really work out? Would deleting him from my life be a mistake? I only asked of him one thing: for him to learn how to trust. Yet, even though he verbally agreed, that still won’t be enough if he really doesn’t want to, right? That was actually for his own good… but I guess in the end it wasn’t.

We already had a fight long ago. I came out scathed, and I know he did also… but we worked it out. Now? I don’t think anyone would be able to fix it again. To tell the truth, he actually caught a glimpse of the real me at that time, but never really understood it. It’s one of the reasons why I asked if I could trust me after the fight, and vice versa… but I guess we never really were meant to be friends.

The letter below is one of the letters from the first fight we had. He sent this to me on January 30, ‘07.

Dear Analiria,

I want to say sorry once again about the last
time we talked. I admit that It was my fault because I was rude and I
didn’t try to understand what you are trying to say.

[Some text missing] Still, If you
still feel unsure of what I am saying don’t hesitate to pour your heart
out.

Email me. I’ll reply in a heart beat.